Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 16:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
←Rate | 11-11-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
←Rate | 02-02-2017 11:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon twerking just shaking your ass? Why did we need a new word? Ass-shaking has served us well for centuries.
←Rate | 08-27-2013 14:16 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 12:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "Hello"... But you lost me when you kept talking.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 00:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am sorry I had feelings. I'll replace them with jokes right away.
←Rate | 09-24-2014 08:04 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to be with someone who isn't crazy but unfortunately I'm only attracted to women.
←Rate | 11-08-2013 00:35 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
←Rate | 06-24-2014 00:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
←Rate | 01-09-2014 11:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.
←Rate | 05-30-2014 01:16 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bottle of wine and I still have feelings. Time for whiskey.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 09:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
←Rate | 12-08-2014 08:11 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just seen a picture of Rihanna fully dressed. Man these hackers don't sleep.
←Rate | 09-05-2014 09:14 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
←Rate | 07-22-2013 13:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We've never met or spoken in person, so why should I be offended by your worthless opinion internet stranger?
←Rate | 09-24-2015 10:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor says I'm morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 23:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She says she is surprised to see me but her drawn eyebrows tell a different story.
←Rate | 03-17-2015 13:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


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