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   messageicon Homeschooling day 4: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.
←Rate | 03-26-2020 10:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d grill your cheese. ~me, flirting
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried to make my own hand sanitizer but I think I just made a margarita.
←Rate | 06-27-2020 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can eat gluten-free, organic food without telling everyone at your table.
←Rate | 07-14-2020 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words ‘bribe me’]
←Rate | 07-14-2020 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I just don't get women.
←Rate | 07-14-2020 19:45 by DJJackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not one person asked me how much faster I can run in my new shoes. Being an adult is f'n dumb!!
←Rate | 08-20-2019 16:26 by Fluff!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
←Rate | 01-24-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold outside, I just accidentally keyed someone's car with my nipples.
←Rate | 01-01-2018 07:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
←Rate | 08-07-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon SCIENCE FACT: All the lost hours from Daylight Savings get added to Betty White’s lifespan.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never buy crystal meth from a guy with a full set of teeth. He's obviously an undercover cop.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 06:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Jussie, everyone makes mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it.
←Rate | 02-22-2019 13:14 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 18:06 by Stinkerbelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon Distancing from people & not going out. Drinking too much coffee in the morning. Eating and smoking too much all day. Watching too much tv. Drinking too much at night. Then the pandemic struck.
←Rate | 04-12-2020 15:33 by RoboGoon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
←Rate | 06-05-2020 08:17 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ironically removing episodes from old comedy show because they are offensive..They'll end up on the black market.
←Rate | 06-12-2020 01:53 by Ben Comments (0)  




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