santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you’ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.

   Ah, Easter. That lovely time of year that reminds you to take down the Christmas decorations.

   Last Reminder: It's St. Patrick's Day...take down your Christmas decorations.

   I saw a Kenny Loggins "Christmas Time Is Here" CD in the discount bin. I looked at the track listing on the back and was disappointed not to see "Highway To The Manger Zone".

   To All Those Who Received a Book from Me as a Christmas Present....They are Due Back at the Library Today

   My dog wishes everyone a Merry Christmas. Fleas Navidad.

   The least knobby dot, the least knobby dot, the least knobby dot for annual quantum police thee dot… or whatever that Spanish Christmas song is saying.

   What's with everyone calling it "Holiday decorations" back in my day, we called it a little something like Christmas.

   The After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagna Lunch: Leftover lasagna Dinner: Leftover lasagna Dessert: Leftover lasagna Beverage: Fresh squeezed leftover lasagna

   My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge raclst, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was bIack - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   I'm sitting here wrapping Christmas presents with one hand. If you find a Band-aid in your gift, don't touch it. I'm still waiting on the test results.

   Can anybody cover my shift tonight? ~ Santa Claus

   This year I’m printing my Christmas cards on trash bags to save everyone the extra step

   This is the last week you can threaten to cancel Christmas if your kids don’t do what you say; use it wisely.

   ghost of christmas past but it’s just the clothes that used to fit before the pandemic

   Tiger Kings, Joe Exotic will never sing Christmas songs cause he hates carols.

   The best gift of all, is freedom and health. Merry Christmas

   I think Christmas is cats favorite holiday. A big tree to climb on complete with all kinds of things that you can whap onto the floor.

   If your kids keep finding the presents you've hidden, put them in the attic. Don't forget to feed them while they're up there.