santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 23:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FINALLY!!! ..... I'm not being harassed incessantly by my family and coworkers for listening to Christmas Music. It was really rough back in July tho.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 12:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon PUBLIC CHRISTMAS SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: .... Always remember, If you got a big-screen TV for Christmas, be sure to put the empty box out with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed instead of yours.
←Rate | 12-09-2016 11:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.
←Rate | 12-08-2016 09:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
←Rate | 12-03-2016 16:22 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just for fun I am going to order a Santa Sleigh on Amazon on Christmas Eve and have it delivered by their drone.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 14:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey ... Santa saw your Facebook pictures .... Santa saw your Facebook pictures. … Looks like you're going to be getting some clothes and a Bible for Christmas ....
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon To America's welfare recipients ..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas".. From the rest of us hard working Americans slaving away every freakin' Day to provide for your well being.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:29 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Turns out Santa is the ultimate Millennial Hipster ..... He works one day a year .... and spends the rest of the year judging you.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're genuinely surprised that a successful political outsider won the Presidency instead of the corrupt Politician in the pantsuit, Please sit down .... There's something important I need to tell you about Santa Claus .....
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Santa is really going to enjoy the cookies he gets from Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon and Washington this year.
←Rate | 12-02-2016 11:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TAMPAX has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel ....... This is for the Christmas period only!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided not to say "Happy Holidays" this Christmas Season .... I am going to go totally rogue and badass and say .... "Merry Christmas" ... instead!! .... Hope I don't ruin anybody's Christmas.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed that every time I hear that Christmas song about nuts roasting on an open fire, my testicles move into a defensive formation.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder if Unemployment will be sending me a Christmas bonus this year.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 16:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guy's if you want to do your own thing in the upcoming new year, get your wife/girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue for christmas.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 13:35 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's really pissed that I beat him to it. Heck, I'm not stupid .... I put mine up three years ago!
←Rate | 12-01-2016 11:54 Comments (0)  



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