santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The dollar tree has motion sensor Christmas ornaments that blast jingle bells in case your family doesn't already hate you...
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In line at Target when the woman behind be says to her kid "If you don't stop fussing I'm gonna make you spend christmas with this man" and then points at me causing him to cry harder
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Store Clerk: Happy holidays Me (angrily): Merry…CHRISTMAS Clerk (even angrier): SEASON’S GREETINGS [we just start choking each other]
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to remember where I hid all of my kids' gifts will be the real Christmas miracle.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sorry about your dress." "Sorry about the nudity." "Sorry I kept calling your wife sir." - Me, the day after the office Christmas party.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 09:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: [listening to The Twelve Days of Christmas] "no person wants this many birds"
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas is always stressful for my family but I refuse to stop giving my brother's wives bras
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was so mad at my parents when I found out Santa wasn’t real, I stormed out of the house, got in my car and just drove and drove.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 08:44 by Rickster Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know what I’m getting for Christmas …Yeah that's right, Fat. I’m getting fat.
←Rate | 12-06-2019 07:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am trying to get into the Christmas "spirit" but can't get the bottle open...
←Rate | 12-05-2019 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What flavor vape oil are you leaving out for Santa this year?
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is to know what rhymes with "Hug me" Love, Robin Thicke
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HOW TO WRAP PRESENTS: - Ask somebody else to wrap presents
←Rate | 12-05-2019 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t know who’s worse, the people who sign their cats’ names on Christmas cards, or the cats who refuse to sign.
←Rate | 12-05-2019 11:22 Comments (0)  




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