equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Coffee, You're on the bench. Alcohol...suit up!

   I wonder how many times in the past I was wrong before she entered my life and started keeping track?

   BREAKING NEWS!! Hillary will not be running for Prez in 2016 due to the brain tumor found during her recent colonoscopy!

   Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by Vegetarians. Stop the violence. Eat Bacon!

   Did you know that if you put your ear up to a strangers leg you can hear them say, "WTF are you doing?"

   "I hate Tacos!" Said no Juan ever

   Does your family have a history of stupidity or is it just you?

   You're not stupid, You're just an exceptionally gifted monkey.

   I want to motorboat her soul.

   I am NOT playing "Hard-to-Get". I'm playing "I-Don't-Want-You"

   Never faked a sarcasm in my life.

   I like people how I like my coffee... I don't like coffee.

   Bill Murray walked up to me today in McDonalds, grabbed a fry off of my tray, ate it, and said " No one is gonna believe you"

   There is a name for people without beards.... Women!

   a Genie told me I could have a great memory or an epic Phallus, but for the life of me I can't remember which one I chose...

   Keep the planet clean. Its not Uranus

   Some women have mood swings, some have entire playgrounds with slides and merrygorounds and teeter totters. You should avoid those ones, Unless they are willing to have sex on the monkey bars, you can make an exception for those ones...

   Someday i'll live in my OWN basement!

   Do Amish murderers get the acoustic chair?

   needs beer and a violent redhead with handcuffs