doc noland Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon On my tombstone please write: more people not appreciating my puns and updates when I was alive was a grave mistake.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 23:03 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a masters at saying dumb things to beautiful women.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 23:03 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I wind up looking anything like Peter Pan with a hammer, I'd run like the bloody wind.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 23:02 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life coach threw a chair at me.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 23:02 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's cute how kids think band aids automatically take away all the pain and make everything better. That's alcohols job you little turds.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 23:01 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your yoga pants just say OUTSTRETCHED.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:26 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being straight means sexualizing some unusual inanimate objects, particularly beer bubbles and mops.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:25 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:25 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon So they will not be changing the name to the LA cotton clippers? Shooo! That was close. That could have turned alot of shirts inside out.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:24 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:23 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okla. killer dies after botched execution. How long did it take his victim to die after being shot and buried alive?
←Rate | 04-30-2014 18:22 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 22:42 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tweet while driving to keep from falling asleep while driving.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 22:41 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Angel on my shoulder needs to shut up.
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:04 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reflecting on my life... I'm really surprised I haven't been shot in the face.
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:04 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon The car seats in your Neon really accentuate your gangsta lean bro.
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:03 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:02 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can we have a song about being happy that doesn't involve clapping?
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:01 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do kids today even realize what great Buubs the Activia lady used to have?
←Rate | 04-20-2014 23:00 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Black Lady on the Pine-Sol commercial told me to disinfect the thing I touch the most... ...this is going to sting a bit.
←Rate | 04-08-2014 22:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  




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