andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'andrew jackson': View All Messages
Page: 4 of 24

   messageicon I bet I can hold my breath longer than you. In fact, I bet you can't hold my breath at all.
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Earth revolves around the Sun at a speed of 18.5 miles/sec and spins on its axis at 1,040 mph. So yeah, I got some exercise today.
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me, to wife: "I don't need a shopping list, I can remember." * Returns from grocery store with portrait of Abe Vigoda and a yak. *
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon And that concludes the end of the presentation. Any questions? "Um yes. Hi. Since I stayed awake the whole time can I have a raise?"
←Rate | 04-30-2015 12:14 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upon learning how old I am, a 5 year old named "Braxten" told me I was "really old," so I whispered in his ear, "at least I have a real name"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to give that Baltimore mom 10 min alone with Congress and a wooden spoon.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask where I live I always say by the sword.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:08 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling it Jerk Chicken is rude. Maybe it had a rough childhood, you don't know.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 13:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can cook, clean, do my own laundry and grogery shop. I think I only need a woman for one thing, to let me know when I am wrong.
←Rate | 04-26-2015 08:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi, you've reached my voicemail. Please leave a message that I'll ignore until you text me like a normal person. Thanks
←Rate | 04-23-2015 11:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out the Dukes of Hazzard weren't really royalty it was just the last name they lied! Hollywood is a liar!
←Rate | 04-18-2015 08:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some guy just asked me for the time like it's freakin 1993. "Hold tight good fellow, allow me to fetch my timepiece from my pantaloons."
←Rate | 04-17-2015 13:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Getting out of bed in the morning always gave me a headache until I tried it feet first.
←Rate | 04-17-2015 13:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paper shouldn't beat rock -- maybe smooth jazz fusion or contemporary country, but that's it.
←Rate | 04-13-2015 12:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just realized who in the heck did I get a more better grade in Spanish class then I did in English?. Doesn't make cents.
←Rate | 04-13-2015 05:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Throw caution to the wind. Throw indecision to a tornado. Throw anxiety to a cyclone. Basically, If it's windy make real bad decisions.
←Rate | 04-12-2015 14:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
←Rate | 04-11-2015 22:11 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love my kid but I'm still going to eat his fries when he goes to the bathroom then lie to his face about it.
←Rate | 04-11-2015 22:07 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left