Unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You had me at jello. Oh you said hello. Do you have any jello? No? Why are you doing this to me?
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:54 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am strongly opposed to a representational democracy.... AND I VOTE!
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:44 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took a quiz "Which Sex and the City character are you?" Turns out I'm the bus driver who splashes Carrie in the opening credits.
←Rate | 08-30-2015 07:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99% of being an adult is basically just not being mean to people you don't like anymore
←Rate | 08-23-2015 07:05 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part about being an adult is thinking about how stupid I was as a child for wishing I was an adult.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I come from a long line of successful people. I decided to stop that tradition.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I'm late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:47 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The devil you know is better than the devil you don't. Unless the devil you know is Steve "Goat Hooves" Kapinski. That guy's the worst.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:34 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people don't know where "to" put quotation marks.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:31 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a baby seems fun. I mean aside from not being able to lift the weight of your own head. But the eating every 1-2 hours. That seems fun
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:26 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet status: Discovered that a Pringles can fits exactly into the cup holders of my truck today.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:03 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like using those "family restrooms" because everyone can sit on the toilet together.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tomorrow's assignment: end every conversation with "Thank you for teaching me how to love again."
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walk up in da club like YAY! I just reached my FitBit step goal!!
←Rate | 08-08-2015 05:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hi. I am the only Caucasian on the planet that doesn't care about Game of Thrones or how many Emmy nominations it has.
←Rate | 07-31-2015 05:30 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe that society is ready for a return to dueling.
←Rate | 07-31-2015 05:28 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's always awkward ending phone calls with people you love. I always say, "I love you" and they're like "Thank you for choosing Domino's Pizza."
←Rate | 07-17-2015 07:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just in one of those “Curl up and watch 25 episodes of ‘Small Wonder’ ” kinda moods.
←Rate | 07-17-2015 07:38 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: there's no manly way to put on chapstick. I usually just make a mean face and hum Tupac songs.
←Rate | 07-16-2015 05:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  



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