Psycho Funny Status Messages

   My friends say the craziest things like "hello police" and "he's in our house again."

   We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher

   What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

   As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.

   My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.

   When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.