Psycho Funny Status Messages

   People with multiple personalities scare me. Speak for yourself b*tch. That's right, you heard him.

   Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.

   Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions

   My friends say the craziest things like "hello police" and "he's in our house again."

   We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher

   What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

   As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.

   My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.

   When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.