@uxbridgeguy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy.. Sadly that part of me is a liar
←Rate | 07-28-2014 12:38 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I'd of sent a bloody letter
←Rate | 07-23-2014 13:42 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it called ''beauty sleep'' when you wake up looking like a troll??
←Rate | 06-14-2014 03:48 by @UXBRIDGEGUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Don't know if I've got some free time,or if I just forgot what the hell i'm supposed to be doing ..
←Rate | 06-04-2014 12:48 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the duvet is still on the bed your clearly not doing it right
←Rate | 05-14-2014 04:34 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think the second would've seen it.
←Rate | 03-10-2014 13:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either I've sat in a cottage pie or that was not a fart.
←Rate | 02-01-2014 15:27 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm allergic to low-energy lightbulbs. Whenever I switch one on, I can barely fecking see for twenty minutes.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 13:00 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know when you have a good mum when they let you lick the sticks to the mixer but you know you have a great mum when she turns the mixer off before you lick!!!!!
←Rate | 10-31-2013 14:46 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:22 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If good things come to those who wait,then I must have something ridiculously amazing coming...
←Rate | 09-27-2013 03:31 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wearing a T-Shirt with "Let's talk about God" on it always guarantees me a seat to myself on the train.
←Rate | 09-11-2013 09:53 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
←Rate | 09-08-2013 02:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted a friend with benefits not a friend on benefits.......
←Rate | 08-21-2013 10:42 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
←Rate | 08-16-2013 04:38 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon This new dishwasher is useless .. It's already ruined three of my paper plates...
←Rate | 08-16-2013 04:37 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bring back hanging,that's what I say... tumble-driers are useless....
←Rate | 08-16-2013 04:36 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw 2 flies screwing today..and I swatted them and said "If I can't, you can't either.
←Rate | 08-08-2013 02:08 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in..not realizing that they are standing in an airport...
←Rate | 08-07-2013 02:36 by @UXBRIDGEGUY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know, hunting elephants.'
←Rate | 07-25-2013 10:22 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  




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