Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 4 of 5816

   messageicon You've reached expert Dad level when you can't drive by a gas station without commenting on the price.
←Rate | 12-02-2018 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!
←Rate | 12-02-2018 10:15 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu Fighting.
←Rate | 12-01-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that every time someone moves to a warmer state all the talk about is warm weather
←Rate | 12-01-2018 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way I'll watch Jerry McGuire is if you show me the money
←Rate | 12-01-2018 17:42 by Dp Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't know what they paid Tom Hanks to be the conductor on the Polar Express, but I've been on the bus during local school field trips and he ain't making near enough money.
←Rate | 11-30-2018 22:06 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know how it can be freezing out and there is always that one asshole wearing shorts and a T-shirt? My 11 year old is that asshole.
←Rate | 11-30-2018 19:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My teenage son says that fanny packs are back in style at his high school. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY ENTIRE LIFE!
←Rate | 11-30-2018 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want a chiropracter to crack my body like a like a glow stick during a hurricane
←Rate | 11-29-2018 23:18 by Jpride Comments (0)  


   messageicon How the hell did we get to the point where the guys who killed Bin Laden are the bad guys and the guys who financed 9/11 are the good guys?
←Rate | 11-29-2018 15:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm put on hold for longer then 10 minutes and a recorded message says "Your call is very important to us!" I cant help but wonder how long I'd have to wait if it wasn't very important?
←Rate | 11-29-2018 12:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I need to be in a mental institution, then I look around and think that maybe I already am.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people like set an example. I prefer to be a warning.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Hippocampus - A college or university where a significant number of students are overweight.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not so great minds also think alike!
←Rate | 11-29-2018 07:42 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just cleaned up my friends list, so if you can see this post it means you've made the cut because your special!....or my worst enemy I just want to keep an eye on.
←Rate | 11-29-2018 02:58 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon MIRACLE-WHIP IS SALAD DRESSING NOT MAYONNAISE Restaurants stop putting salad dressing on my sammiches !!
←Rate | 11-28-2018 17:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes, the crossing on the road is still named after Deer .
←Rate | 11-28-2018 16:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the astronauts were bummed when they found out Tang was just something they drank in space...
←Rate | 11-27-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left