father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!
←Rate | 06-17-2014 19:05 by Zack Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 21:19 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:15 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.
←Rate | 06-03-2014 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 11:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny thing I just heard my computer call out to it's father......"Data"
←Rate | 04-24-2014 19:46 by smeebert Comments (0)  

   messageicon I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...
←Rate | 04-24-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Dad what's an infinite loop?"..."Ask your mother."... "Mom what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your father."... "Dad what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your........
←Rate | 03-29-2014 19:53 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."
←Rate | 03-26-2014 17:19 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three times when it is OK for a man to cry: At your father's funeral, when a heroic dog dies saving his master, and when Mr. Happy gets caught in your zipper.
←Rate | 01-28-2014 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, Between two hunks of bread.
←Rate | 01-25-2014 19:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A pregnancy test that also tells who the father is. But instead of a stick, you pee on Maury Povich. Don't worry, he's into it. TRUST ME
←Rate | 01-23-2014 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.
←Rate | 01-13-2014 21:51 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 12:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgive me father, for I like sin.
←Rate | 12-13-2013 00:13 Comments (0)  

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