father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I refused to believe that my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.
←Rate | 01-15-2015 13:20 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I met my ex-girlfriend’s son today and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.
←Rate | 01-01-2015 15:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a guy on Maury found out he was not the father and said "it dont take blood to be a daddy" but actually it does. all dads have to have blood
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.
←Rate | 09-21-2014 13:37 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 4 year old black boy was brutally beaten by his father. Where's your outrage black community??
←Rate | 09-17-2014 10:45 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.
←Rate | 08-29-2014 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father dies from ALS, get off the subject and start writing funny stuff...
←Rate | 08-21-2014 17:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 01:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!
←Rate | 06-17-2014 19:05 by Zack Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 21:19 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.
←Rate | 06-15-2014 13:15 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Dad, Thanks for not pulling out! Happy Father's Day!!!
←Rate | 06-15-2014 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bowe Bergdahl’s father looks like that Duck Dynasty guy.
←Rate | 06-03-2014 13:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.
←Rate | 05-22-2014 11:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny thing I just heard my computer call out to it's father......"Data"
←Rate | 04-24-2014 19:46 by smeebert Comments (0)  

   messageicon I brought my M16 in the house the other day and my father asked me what I was so afraid of, I answered "the d$mn Decepticons" I laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed , I shot the toaster...
←Rate | 04-24-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Dad what's an infinite loop?"..."Ask your mother."... "Mom what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your father."... "Dad what's an infinite loop?"... "Ask your........
←Rate | 03-29-2014 19:53 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Asked my 65 yr old father if he believed in gay marriage. His response "I saw my friends die for freedom. That means freedom for EVERY American."
←Rate | 03-26-2014 17:19 Comments (4)  

   messageicon Who are you going to believe - me, a husband and father with no criminal record, or some fancy HD security footage from Victoria's Secret?
←Rate | 03-06-2014 13:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  

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