Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve received a lot of emails that find me well.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re ever wondering if you and your spouse are on the same page fold a large blanket together. You’ll have your answer quickly.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yo, idiot below! So we were wrong about that, stop rubbing it in all the God damn time! This is why we hate the libs, they can never let things go!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:07 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Just curious, do you people still think Obama was born in Kenya, or are you still sticking with that fantasy because that's all you have?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 19:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The blow up doll guy! You can tell jokes about anything you know? Though Trump gags may get removed!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 17:34 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon This week's weather forcast...Monday: Room Temperature Tuesday: Room Temperature Wednesday: Room Temperature Thursday: Room Temperature Friday: Room Temperature
←Rate | 04-07-2020 16:05 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon I went to the bank today. I saw a man with a mask and gloves come in and thank God he was just there to rob the place.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 15:58 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got a case of corona from walmart and I never felt better!
←Rate | 04-07-2020 15:36 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone know where I can get plastic eggs big enough to hide hand sanitizer in?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My washing machine is broken so I had to wear my high school band uniform to work today
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wore a mask to run errands today Accidentally robbed a bank
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My coworker read some fake Facebook thing saying vitamin C is the cure for the virus. He’s been drinking 3 large glasses of milk per day for the last 9 days. I haven’t had the heart to tell him orange juice is the one with vitamin C
←Rate | 04-07-2020 14:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My blow up doll has started wheezing and she’s loosing weight rapidly. Getting very concerned.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 12:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hate to be the one to point out that if you're going around to your friends houses to take "Socially Distancing" pictures and videos with you're missing the point.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 11:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 10:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your blow up doll develops a runny nose, she is not COVID positive; she's full.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 10:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coronavirus is like a Thanos you can't see
←Rate | 04-07-2020 08:14 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been social distancing from the gym for years
←Rate | 04-07-2020 08:09 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think we all need to be on the same page on this: are we telling kids that the Easter Bunny died of Corona Virus or that Carole Baskin killed him?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 07:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone else feel the love in here?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 07:04 Comments (0)  

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