Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon A Citizen's Arrest for the next person who asks me if I'm ready for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-03-2019 13:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My worst fear of getting old is chewing for no reason.😖
←Rate | 12-03-2019 13:39 by kisstopher73 Comments (0)  

   messageicon We don't need a trade deal to last forever. If he doesn't like it down the road, he just divorce it for a younger trade deal, maybe from a different country...
←Rate | 12-03-2019 12:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else at what comes out of my mouth
←Rate | 12-03-2019 10:57 by Rickstar Comments (0)  

   messageicon I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.
←Rate | 12-03-2019 09:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice the scariest women are the one's who flood their pages with pics of Marilyn Monroe?
←Rate | 12-03-2019 06:13 by BobBogin Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to like watching dramas like the Days of Our Lives and As the World Turns, but now I have Facebook.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I consider the seven deadly sins to be my best personality traits.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 07:59 by DocNoland Comments (0)  

   messageicon Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon One Christmas eve, Santa was under a lot of stress. When an angel walk in with a tree and ask what he should do with the tree was how the tradition got started.
←Rate | 12-01-2019 23:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Santa is jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
←Rate | 12-01-2019 23:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your ever wondering if a tree is of the Dogwood variety you could tell by its bark.
←Rate | 11-30-2019 16:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to get out of bed but I just have to remember that the world can't revolve around me unless I'm standing.
←Rate | 11-30-2019 12:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do you ever randomly start thinking about a time you embarrassed yourself 15 years ago and get embarrassed all over again?
←Rate | 11-30-2019 02:52 by kisstoper707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I might have spent a quarter of my life just staring into the refrigerator.
←Rate | 11-30-2019 01:31 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon If where you live doesn't have numbers on it you really need to address that.
←Rate | 11-29-2019 22:29 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My idea Black Friday is deleting everyone from my friends list who sent me a mass Happy Thanksgiving day meme yesterday.
←Rate | 11-29-2019 10:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Black Friday. Or as it should be known: "Thanksgiving Is Over, We Now Return You To Your Self-Centered Lives Already In Progress."
←Rate | 11-29-2019 07:46 by BobBogin Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thankful I won't have to go push and shove people on Black Friday the day after telling everyone on Facebook how thankful I was for everything I have.
←Rate | 11-28-2019 21:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon buttcheeks one word or should I spread them apart?
←Rate | 11-28-2019 19:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  

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