Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 08:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Karate Kid would be a shorter movie if Daniel had just bought a gun.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 08:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It would be easier if they just reported which parts of the globe aren't on fire and don't have hurricanes.
←Rate | 10-18-2019 08:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they're back
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe Millennials aren't having children because we lived through the nightmare of raising Tamagotchis. :/
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Website: We use cookies to improve performance. Me: Same
←Rate | 10-18-2019 06:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Friend zoned your wife again
←Rate | 10-17-2019 23:08 by DocNoland Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 17:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon White House admits quid pro quo. This is getting a lot interesting now.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 16:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was up all night wondering, if you get fired at the Unemployment Office, do you just switch to the other side of the desk?
←Rate | 10-17-2019 08:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you’re going Black Friday shopping, be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before you record any fights.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When people tell me I look like my mother, I assume they mean disappointed.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 08:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "NO NO NO NO" - the guy who invented folding chairs watching a wrestling match
←Rate | 10-17-2019 08:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pretty sure these are the same ingredients in my shampoo. -me, reading the Pringles can.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 08:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
←Rate | 10-17-2019 07:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For $5 I will write "yikes" under one of your ex's selfies.
←Rate | 10-17-2019 07:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon All I need is to hear those 3 special words “Want a sandwich?”
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Sorry for the late response” is my email signature
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't see any clouds today so where is your data really stored?
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fun fact: Bruce Lee does not drink water. Instead, he drinks WATAA!
←Rate | 10-17-2019 05:39 Comments (0)  

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