Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like robo calls. I get to make up new cuss words.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 19:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5 year plan? I havent even planned this sentence volcano.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 18:34 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon You buy ready made chocolate milk? Well, aren't you just some kind of titan of finance?
←Rate | 12-04-2018 18:33 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moving is so fun, finally found this chloroform, hey does it taste expired to y....
←Rate | 12-04-2018 18:32 by DocNoland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm throwing in the white flag, I can't take anymore of this "winning".
←Rate | 12-04-2018 17:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to stay humble when someone’s dog chooses you over them.
←Rate | 12-04-2018 14:01 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The irony of being anti-social on social media.
←Rate | 12-03-2018 22:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care what anybody else says. "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" is the greatest diss track ever written.
←Rate | 12-03-2018 13:58 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will fight for my right to eat delicious things. A snacktivist if you will...
←Rate | 12-03-2018 12:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I was a spy, my perfect code name would be "Individual 1".
←Rate | 12-03-2018 11:55 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Turns out the Canary Islands doesn't have any canaries. Just like the Virgin Islands doesn't have any.
←Rate | 12-03-2018 01:56 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why is there a permanent setting on my iron ?
←Rate | 12-03-2018 01:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon forget about the past you cant change it,forget about the future you cant predict it,forget about the present your not getting one
←Rate | 12-03-2018 00:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever hate someone so much you decide to start eating healthy just so you can watch them die first?
←Rate | 12-02-2018 12:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You've reached expert Dad level when you can't drive by a gas station without commenting on the price.
←Rate | 12-02-2018 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!
←Rate | 12-02-2018 10:15 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon Surely not EVERYBODY was Kung Fu Fighting.
←Rate | 12-01-2018 21:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that every time someone moves to a warmer state all the talk about is warm weather
←Rate | 12-01-2018 19:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only way I'll watch Jerry McGuire is if you show me the money
←Rate | 12-01-2018 17:42 by Dp Comments (1)  


   messageicon I don't know what they paid Tom Hanks to be the conductor on the Polar Express, but I've been on the bus during local school field trips and he ain't making near enough money.
←Rate | 11-30-2018 22:06 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  




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