Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I wonder if Yoda from Star Wars last name was “Layeehoo”.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 17:35 by Cicci Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 13:00 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mueller's ART OF THE DEAL.....spend 8-10 mil investigating, recoup 40 mil from Manafort. This should make all Americans very happy.....Mueller is operating at a net profit.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 12:45 by Booger Comments (0)  

   messageicon In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me "what is in cells?" I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 11:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently it's inappropriate to show up at your therapist's home to swim in his new pool even though your "boundary issues" paid for it.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 07:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is it that kids these days can shift their gender but cannot shift a manual transmission?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 07:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am a husband. Hear me apologise for something I did in my wife's dream.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 02:21 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The economy can only be measured by how well the lower class is doing.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 00:07 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. After years of marriage, I find it's bad luck after the wedding as well.
←Rate | 09-16-2018 04:21 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I cut the swooshes of my nike socks and sold them to my neighbours wife to use as eyebrows.
←Rate | 09-16-2018 02:40 by Stevielea Comments (0)  

   messageicon To coup or not to coup may one day be the question.
←Rate | 09-16-2018 02:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.
←Rate | 09-16-2018 01:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the B in LGTB stands for Bi doesn't that mean there are only two genders?
←Rate | 09-15-2018 20:04 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sorry to announce my pet mouse 'Elvis' has just died!..he was caught in a trap!
←Rate | 09-15-2018 19:26 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon My Girlfriend said she's leaving in the morning because of my "Wham" obsession! I replied... "wake me up before you go go"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 16:00 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon For the ladies that cook bacon in a microwave you aint gone never have a man...
←Rate | 09-15-2018 12:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Lie to yourself if ya want ..but he will be elected again in 2020 cry babies cry
←Rate | 09-15-2018 10:12 by Booger Comments (15)  

   messageicon POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: "So he was medium build, grey hair, grey eyes, grey tie, a grey suit and grey shoes?" DOG: "Correct"
←Rate | 09-15-2018 08:01 by Truman Comments (2)  

   messageicon There's nothing to FEAR, but the book FEAR itself
←Rate | 09-15-2018 05:07 by Haha Comments (0)  

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