Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you people truly believe we're in danger then you are a f-ing moron.

   Windmill noise causes cancer? I learn something new everyday.

   Want to know the secret to happiness? Deactivate your Facebook account like people used to take the phone off the hook.

   80% of corporate employees are suffering from AIDS ? Appraisal & Increment Deficiency Syndrome

   Crazy how people are more worried about getting Avocados then drugs and trafficing

   Hey, little regular fry in with my curly fries. Just be yourself, buddy.

   Survival Tip - If you get lost in the woods start talking politics and someone will show up to argue with you...

   Ladies If your going to cut off all your hair and go bald just give us a warning. I'm sitting here wondering when did I add this dude on my profile page?

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score! WooHoo!

   Only when mosquito lands on your testicles, do you truly learn to solve problems without violence.

   If you want to repeal something, please for the love of God don't replace it with nothing!

   Sometimes I think I'm an intelligent person and other times I want to get married.

   Did you ever noticed how much weight a chicken can gain and it never shows on their faces ?

   My wife went to a shady oral surgeon for implants and now her teeth are 36D's!

   Finally got around to filling out my bracket yesterday and guess what? perfect bracket so far

   I don't always have time to Spring Clean, but when I do, I Don't!

   I don't usually get asked out by women, but when I do it's usually on the first of April.

   When you believe everything is a conspiracy theory, blame 8t on psychosis.

   why is everyone working out? is there a war coming that I don't know about?

   Digital world explained simply. Earlier -First thing in the morning - Toothpaste. Now -First thing in the morning - Copy Paste.