Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon [watching porn] me: she didn't wash her hands, that's how you get the flu.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd love to hang out with you, but this nap isn't going to take itself.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Interviewer: This says you tend to jump to conclusions Me: So I'm hired?
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This girl at the bar is winking at me. Now she's using the other eye. Never mind, she's passing out.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thinking about opening a hamburger joint out in Utah I'll call it "Five Wives"
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ended things because of how bad she was in bed, the sex was great but her napping skills were terrible.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 05:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I miss having a grown up for a president.
←Rate | 02-10-2019 03:25 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Baby Lives Matter!
←Rate | 02-09-2019 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daffy donald maked another gaffe. He cheers the faithful for "abolition of civil rights." Or did he ?
←Rate | 02-09-2019 22:35 Comments (1)  

   messageicon ß===0
←Rate | 02-09-2019 21:58 by ISeeYou Comments (0)  

   messageicon people say people on in life but should they pass on by finding a baby smoochie to a teen
←Rate | 02-09-2019 21:45 by ISeeYou Comments (2)  

   messageicon Met a lady yesterday...It was love at first sight...Then I took a second look !!
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:36 by DaBull Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ran into my ex the other day...hit reverse...and ran into her again.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:31 by DaBull Comments (0)  

   messageicon People on the Left are like an old TV Set. They have to be slapped occasionally to get the picture.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 17:27 Comments (6)  

   messageicon The Early Bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 02-09-2019 16:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you are paying $3.00 for Smart Water, it isn't working.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 21:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon That moment, when your jerk boss says they are resigning. !!!!!!!!!!!!!
←Rate | 02-08-2019 20:19 Comments (1)  

   messageicon People say “the early bird gets the worm.” But everyone freaks out when I drink tequila at 8am
←Rate | 02-08-2019 14:35 by Cicci Comments (1)  

   messageicon I smile at dogs more than I smile at people.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 13:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Career advice for young people: be born to filthy rich parents.
←Rate | 02-08-2019 12:51 Comments (0)  

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