Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When my son got his driver's license. He ask if I would get him something cheap to run around in. So I got him a pair of Keds sneakers.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:37 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to look like a productive hubby. Add things to your to do list that dosen't need to be done. So you'll have things crossed off when your wife checks the list.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 01:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My memaw suffers from furniture disease. Her chest has fallen into her drawers.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 22:17 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Arguing with your wife is like buying a lottery ticket. You probably won't win but you still give it a try.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 04:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I found out that the sperm bank paid for donations. I realised that I had let a fortune slip through my fingers.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most all the women I meet in bars think I have a nice butt. Because as I walk away from them after talking to them. I hear them say "what an ass."
←Rate | 04-18-2018 23:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.
←Rate | 05-16-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I carry a picture of my wife in my wallet. It helps me remember why there is no money in it.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 13:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a costume party dressed as a chicken. Ment a girl dressed as an egg. We spent the night at my place. And I found out the answer to that old question. It was the chicken.
←Rate | 06-26-2018 15:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon How could he be the Lone Ranger if Tonto was always with him
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dentist: I'm going to give you some helium gas. Me: Will that stop me from feeling any pain? Dentist: No...... But when you screem, it will be hilarious.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:26 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 22:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


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