flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:10 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon Behind every great man is a great woman telling him he's not as great as he thinks he is.
←Rate | 01-21-2012 10:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
←Rate | 09-13-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
←Rate | 02-28-2012 10:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A fax? You're sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993?
←Rate | 03-30-2012 09:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a bathroom tile salesman, my pitch would be "Think of how great this will look in the background of your social networking pics."
←Rate | 11-12-2011 06:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read firecracker safety tips.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 06:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee
←Rate | 07-07-2012 10:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Glad my work doesn't do drug tests cause everyone would find out I'm a loser who doesn't party
←Rate | 11-19-2011 09:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't seem to find Funkytown on Google Maps.
←Rate | 05-18-2012 08:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was a cab driver I'd yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn't be telling you this"
←Rate | 11-19-2012 06:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought when people lie to me their pants were supposed to catch on fire. Turns out that's a lie also. Trust no one.
←Rate | 05-05-2012 05:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This world is not going to make any real progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that "paper" beats "rock."
←Rate | 04-09-2011 08:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
←Rate | 12-10-2013 05:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a special place in hell for murderers and the guy who decided what time breakfast ends at McDonalds.
←Rate | 02-24-2012 08:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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