eengrms Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Finally something positive about Charlie Sheen...
←Rate | 11-17-2015 10:11 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon That guy has a couple screws loose... which is ironic because he's also a tool...
←Rate | 01-27-2014 19:52 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
←Rate | 03-17-2016 12:51 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon All clowns are serial killers. It's a fact.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 11:56 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Haunted houses would be scarier if they were filled with women that wanted you to guess their age...
←Rate | 08-15-2015 13:57 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon By 2050, four out of every five Americans will be a Duggar...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 22:23 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I'm thinking savings isn't the only thing you will catch at Walmart...
←Rate | 11-14-2014 14:17 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lately I've been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
←Rate | 04-22-2013 11:23 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to decorate a valentines box and take it to work tomorrow. I'm not going to answer anyone's questions until they give me a valentine...
←Rate | 02-13-2013 18:43 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us...
←Rate | 10-26-2015 20:45 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really like compliments but I don't want anyone talking to me...
←Rate | 04-29-2015 13:42 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm afraid if Trump wins he'll leave us for a younger, prettier country...
←Rate | 03-01-2016 22:24 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday...
←Rate | 05-03-2013 10:14 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wondered what it'd be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
←Rate | 11-22-2014 16:31 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bieber's arrest doesn't give him street cred, it actually just raises the street cred bar a little higher...
←Rate | 01-23-2014 14:06 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 21:52 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll probably come off as mean when you first meet me, but after you really get to know me you'll find out that I'm actually meaner...
←Rate | 05-01-2016 22:05 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you know what this town needs? Another Walmart. - said no one ever.
←Rate | 07-03-2013 12:55 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
←Rate | 08-08-2015 16:11 by eengrms Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once my kids wake up, my only goal for the rest of the day is getting them back to bed...
←Rate | 08-15-2015 11:38 by eengrms Comments (0)  



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