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X says If at first you don't succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You'll be amazed of how much less you care.
X says Smoking weed doesn't make you cool. It's what you do while you're high that does.
X says Before Facebook, I used to be stupid in the confines and privacy of my own mind.
X says When you upload photos to Facebook, I'd appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends. It makes stalking them much easier. Thank you.
X says I'd jump in front of a bus for you. As long as its not moving.
X says Where do you keep your booze? I keep mine in my liver, like normal people.
X says Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.
X says If someone does not appreciate your presence, give them a taste of your absence and see how they like it.
X says If my door was closed when you came in, make sure its closed on your way out. Thank you!
X says My drug dealer cracks me up.
X says The stuff you do while you're procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.
X says "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."
X says I'm moving to Antarctica, where there's no bullsh!t. Just penguins.
X says This girl just agreed to go on a date with me this weekend. Now I just need to email her my terms and conditions and we are good to go.
X says WANTED: A single girl who can cook, love and has a good Job. Must have a house and a car. Please send me pictures of your HOUSE and CAR.
X says it cardio if you put on your swimsuit and have a panic attack?
X says Canadians watch US politics like Americans watch Jersey Shore.
X says Girls who say 'G-strings are more comfortable than regular underwear' know that men hear 'I like things in my butt'
X says Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
X says I just never wanna get "make my own belt holes" fat.