Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 15:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girl told me that her fantasy f*ck would be Brad Pitt. Then she went mental because I told her mine. Apparently Amber from next door wasn't a good answer,
←Rate | 08-04-2011 04:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attractive female traffic cops should make it clear they are not strippers sent by your buddies BEFORE they tase me.
←Rate | 09-28-2011 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"
←Rate | 02-17-2011 20:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Survival rule #1: You go first.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the f*ck had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets!"
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 10:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes as long as there is no rug on the back porch.
←Rate | 11-11-2011 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm having one of those days where when I get home I'm going to lean against the door, and slide down it while dramatically sighing.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 15:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 19:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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