Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Survival rule #1: You go first.
←Rate | 05-14-2011 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hindsight, allowing girls into our treehouse would have been a great idea.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 14:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have just painted a blue square on the garden to trick people viewing Google Earth into thinking I have a swimming pool!
←Rate | 10-20-2010 10:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 07:07 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"
←Rate | 02-17-2011 20:59 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor's WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I'm the victim here!
←Rate | 07-01-2011 15:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
←Rate | 03-27-2010 05:56 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the f*ck had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets!"
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm having one of those days where when I get home I'm going to lean against the door, and slide down it while dramatically sighing.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 15:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering... 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
←Rate | 02-13-2011 21:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 10:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: guys don't care if the carpet matches the drapes as long as there is no rug on the back porch.
←Rate | 11-11-2011 08:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girlfriend's parents gave me a Best Buy gift card, which will be turned into a video game that causes me to ignore her for the next 30 days.
←Rate | 11-23-2010 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 19:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.
←Rate | 05-18-2011 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, Martin Luther King, Jr. had to wait 40 years to get his own momunent, and then they make it out of white marble? Awkward...
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:36 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon Just saw the neighbor's little kid trying to spray whipped cream on his pet cat. I'm thinking he overheard something last night he wasn't supposed to...
←Rate | 09-06-2011 16:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never be too old to enjoy driving by a stranger, honking, and waving just to see the confused look on their face and awkward wave back.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 11:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it makes me sad that I've never partied that hard.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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