MTQ Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Just once, can you get the weather forecast right, weather fuc*ers?
←Rate | 09-29-2011 12:44 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic: USE a feather. Kinky: Use the whole chicken
←Rate | 09-04-2011 16:47 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Something's been eating away at me for a while. (It's nothing that a simple drive out of Miami won't cure.)
←Rate | 06-12-2012 11:57 by MTQ Comments (0)  

←Rate | 08-26-2011 09:20 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I like my women like I like my cheese. White American singles.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 11:10 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Doctor advised me to eat more spinach. He said it'd put color in my cheeks. Who wants green cheeks?
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:01 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took Nyquil and Dayquil. I forgot how to tell time.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 22:00 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Catholic Church is in shock over something that hasn't occurred since 1415 AD. It ran out of mix for its annual Pancake Breakfast.
←Rate | 02-12-2013 07:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had a terrible dream last night. I was a baby and Dolly Parton was my mom and she bottle fed me.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 09:57 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 07:30 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon "That was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy." ~Amy Farrah Fowler
←Rate | 02-18-2013 16:07 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Okay class. Today is our field trip to the Planetarium. Did everyone remember to bring pot brownies?
←Rate | 01-11-2013 14:09 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ever notice when someone posts a pic of several women, the h0ttest ones are never t@gged?
←Rate | 11-30-2012 10:28 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Chinese woman said me, "You have no crass". I didn't know whether she was complimenting or insulting me.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 07:37 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy from the Saw Mill runs to the Doctor. He screams, "Help me, Doc! I just sawed off all my fingers!" The Doc says, "Calm down, we can reattach them, where are they?" "I AIN"T GOT EM!" "How come?" The guy goes, "I COULDN'T PICK 'EM UP."
←Rate | 09-12-2011 18:43 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Vini, Vedi, Velcro... I came, I saw, I stuck around.
←Rate | 09-12-2011 09:35 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Being a modest guy, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the lady at the desk, "I hope the p0rn channel in my room is disabled." She goes, "Nooooo, it's regular people-p0rn, you sick ba$tard.”
←Rate | 01-06-2012 05:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon $ex is the most common event that draws people in to things. Be it sales, facebook posts, etc. I always felt that $ex is not the most important thing. And I've managed to instill this philosophy in all 18 of my kids.
←Rate | 07-16-2012 11:11 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just took a typing test. 160 words per minute. The word was "a". That counts, right?
←Rate | 08-09-2011 10:34 by MTQ Comments (0)  

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