Kisstopher Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:30 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a woman who doesn't b*tch about everything.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people I hate in this world: Nosey people AND people who won't tell me what the hell is going on in their lives.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 03:19 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every day is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that they chose Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 11:19 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
←Rate | 10-20-2012 15:33 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 13:11 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I thought room service was for rich people. Now I realize it's for lazy, hungover people who can't find their pants.
←Rate | 05-14-2012 15:33 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who do I speak to about quitting adulthood?
←Rate | 10-19-2012 08:45 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 00:57 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never underestimate a woman's ability to make you apologize when she is the one who is clearly in the wrong.
←Rate | 01-05-2013 07:04 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't tell me to make myself at home if you don't want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
←Rate | 10-15-2011 02:09 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 12:13 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if random erections are actually ninja handjobs?
←Rate | 01-15-2012 13:35 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to have a posse, make sure they're clean shaven. Nobody likes a hairy posse.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 07:53 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".
←Rate | 04-08-2012 17:07 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who go to the liquor store and buy a pint of whiskey are poor planners… what are you going to drink tomorrow?
←Rate | 01-17-2012 14:12 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 14:15 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm 94% sure I'm going to die in a running in flip flops incident.
←Rate | 10-28-2012 12:23 by Kisstopher Comments (1)  


   messageicon Life caught me caring and punished me accordingly.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 13:02 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lord gimme patience...or an untraceable handgun.
←Rate | 08-06-2011 14:07 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  



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