@UXBRIDGEGUY Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Someone stole my Microsoft office and they're gonna pay , you have my word
←Rate | 01-15-2015 13:20 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police officers say anything you say will be taken down and make be used as evidence .. your answer should always be please officer don't hit me again
←Rate | 09-30-2015 14:53 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wind is proper whipping it up out there, guess I won't be taking the broom out for a spin tonight
←Rate | 10-27-2014 13:55 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:22 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he’s getting hit by a train.
←Rate | 08-11-2014 04:28 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon yes, I have made mistakes, but last time I checked, life didn't come with instructions!
←Rate | 07-25-2013 10:09 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bring back hanging,that's what I say... tumble-driers are useless....
←Rate | 08-16-2013 04:36 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy.. Sadly that part of me is a liar
←Rate | 07-28-2014 12:38 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There’s no age limit on a happy meal. And don’t forget the toy!
←Rate | 08-01-2014 15:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just been accused of being condescending , that's where you talk down to people.
←Rate | 01-15-2015 13:21 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice,I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine
←Rate | 07-28-2014 12:39 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
←Rate | 07-28-2014 12:41 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call
←Rate | 08-03-2014 19:16 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Royal baby has been named 'George'...Zippy and Bungle are mortified!
←Rate | 07-25-2013 08:14 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
←Rate | 08-03-2014 19:12 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be that much of an importance to you but atleast I will be there when you need me
←Rate | 08-10-2014 18:03 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool the kids into thinking this will be the best Christmas ever by circling all the expensive stuff in the Argos catalogue
←Rate | 12-03-2014 03:44 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think the second would've seen it.
←Rate | 03-10-2014 13:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm gonna complain to Domino's! They said I'd have my pizza before I could say 'Piping hot!'. I've said it 867 times since then and it's STILL not here!
←Rate | 09-23-2014 03:19 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm allergic to low-energy lightbulbs. Whenever I switch one on, I can barely fecking see for twenty minutes.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 13:00 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  




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