joser Funny Status Messages

   want to know if sex toy manufacturers have product testers?

   I used to live in a residential building until a few hookers moved in on the 3rd floor - now it's a commercial building...

   Who is "Taxes" and "IRS"? Those jerks have been sending me junk mail for years.

   Tiger Woods has had sex with more women than my girlfriend will even let me be Facebook friends with.

   The attack on the Pope was really his own fault. After all he was wearing Axe Body Spray.

   I'm getting a massage tonight, so I drew a treasure map on my stomach. It's pretty self explanatory.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.

   My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   If you see a burrito running down the street screaming "RAPE", please return him to me. He is totally overreacting.

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   I showed my iPad to my iPod, and he was all "what's up fatty".

   Leadership: The art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.

   The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music...

   C.R.E.A.M. - Coffee Rules Everything Around Me