Doc Noland Funny Status Messages
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Page: 36 of 39
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Woke up today singing, "It's the 4th of July," to the tune of "It's the First of the Month," by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
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I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
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I wish someone would cast Mel Gibson and Tracy Morgan in a buddy action flick about a crime fighting rabbi and a drag queen.
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My hangover feels like someone is screaming at me in German.
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What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!
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The best thing about using exclamation marks is that no one knows how sad you are!!!
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it just me or did anyone else notice that Bob Marley never looked like a "Bob."
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thankful that Anthony Weiner's last name wasnt 'Butthole'.
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I got a new phone Friday, it has Texas Hold 'em installed and OH MY FREAKING GOSH IS IT SUNDAY ALREADY?????
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Kim Kardashian wants her bachelorette party to be low key, just an E! camera crew and 100 black dudes dragging their sacks across her face.
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I'm bad with stains. Does anyone know how to get fat out from under a t-shirt?
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Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is kinda messed up.
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Wearing your Oakleys backwards is a stylish way to let people know you're amped about giving them HPV.
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You haven't lived until you've passed through a birth canal.
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Drunk sex is ok, but drunk hugs are frantastic
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likes calling Ketchup, "meatloaf hot fudge".
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could go to prison for the things he has typed into his notes app on his Droid
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Auto correct is like having a 4 year old play mad-libs with your email.
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wondering, can I still use the big stall if my handicap is being emotionally crippled?
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Just winked at myself in a mirror and physically felt the soul leave my body.
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