doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Luckily for me, my future cancer will go along quite nicely with my current personality.

   Face down A55 up, thats the way I select donuts at Dunkin Donuts

   NOT ONE of the mannequins at Victoria Secret has an anatomically correct back passage.

   I think I weigh, I don't know...74317.965555 pats of butter.

   If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.

   You know what's more disturbing than the tears of a clown? That would be the semen of a clown.

   Cleft chins are just face camel toes.

   ʇɐ s,oɥ ǝɥʇ ǝɹǝɥʍ˙˙˙ uoıʇısod ʇɥƃıɹ ǝɥʇ uı ʍou ɯɐ ı' ʞo

   The Dominos Pizza Tracker should always end with "Your New Chin, You Fat Piece of Sh!t".

   Angel on my shoulder needs to shut up.

   Had I known how difficult it was to get old people's smell out of a mattress, I never would've gone cougar hunting at the retirement home.

   I have come to realize that the only reason I eat taco bell is so I can light my own cigarette with my butthole.

   Just pushed out a fart that sounded like a toddler screaming into a kazoo

   How do I get my android to stop taking pictures of my crotch everytime I achieve arousal?

   I dont know what Is more amazing, that this girl thought she was Justin Beibers first, or the miracle of one girl knocking up another girl.

   You know the NCAA won't punish the Penn St. football program unless Sandusky gave his victim's dad a free car.

   Salt-n-Pepa probably have salt-n-pepa pubes by now.

   Here's two people with scoliosis attempting to have sex - ??

   I believe it was a German who said "an empty anus makes the most sound..."

   Has found love on facebook. Shes from Bangladesh and "wan day will reash amehica."