KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Body builders have a weird way of thanking someone for buying them a birthday gift. I gave this guy a bra & now I'm at the emergency room.

   What happens at the sleepovers, Stays at the sleepovers.

   So Android has "Iris"....Siri's ugly stepsister.

   If chickens knew how tasteless they are without herbs and spices, they'd kill themselves.

   I promise, I'm only gonna have 2 beers tonight.... 2 beers in dog beers

   How many times do you need the same person to piss in your mouth before you figure out urine doesn’t taste good?

   Getting in an argument with women is like being arrested because anything you say can and will be used against you.

   Coffee is like an engine starter; you might be powerful, but even a jet engine needs a starter.

   Tiger Woods's win last weekend is a great reminder that sex addiction only affects your golf game for 923 days.

   I will be honest with you, when it comes to women, you are part of my "Quantity Over Quality" phase.

   If you love something, let it go... down on you.

   If you can't be manipulated, you're not in love.

   If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices. If the government is gonna focus on cloning, they need to be cloning 1970 gas prices

   I never bring a knife to a fight. I bring my brain. It's much sharper.

   What doesn't kill you get arrested and most likely post bail.

   “I make it rain on them hoes.” - Clouds

   80s music brings me back to good times like when I didn't exist.

   I hate when somebody claims they are mad at you but won't tell you why.

   I put the you in murder!

   I admit I am hot, but don't blame me for global warming.