doc noland Funny Status Messages

   I hope I never get renal failure. I've really come to enjoy having a functioning renus.

   Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven after Lucifer's rebellion?

   I have this medical condition that makes me pee in a hot tub as soon as I get in it.

   Tonight I saw a man pull the stick from his corn dog and eat it without the stick. It was me. I did that. I am capable of anything.

   I'd love to see the headlines if the day ever came that Arnold Schwarzenegger was diagnosed with a tumor.

   Unicorns eventually got into rough @n@l-play. And that's why they're extinct.

   I like Cee Lo's "Forget You," but it doesn't compare to N.W.A.'s "Forget Tha Police"

   What I love best about sex with a married woman is wiping myself off with her husband's clean underwear!

   Ke$ha looks like she leaves tampons in for dangerous stretches of time.

   not interested in a girl? tell her you're going through a horrific vesectomy process & you're really concentrating on that right now.

   Pandora just suggested that I listen to a preview of Nick Cannon's new album and technology has never made me this angry before.

   "Parkinson's" is a way better name than what it was first called in the 70's - "Involuntary Boogie Party".

   Dear Jamie Lee "Stupid Liar Face" Curtis, I ate 32 Activia yogurts an hour ago and nothing has h

   My mixer killed my kettle. The pot is furious. The kettle might have been wearing a hooodie....I think it had some skittles.

   I'm not saying I'm out of shape, but following a brisk hike down the stairs to the fridge I just sweated out Vince Vaughn holding a bottle of bourbon.

   ok but i'm out of cialis so you have to wear the boba fett mask

   My back just cracked to the beat of "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You". It finally got me...

   Time is running out for me to discover the meaning of life

   What if they're looking for a "ping" but it's really a "pong?" Airplane jokes are really the in thing.

   Being straight means sexualizing some unusual inanimate objects, particularly beer bubbles and mops.