KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Rub her the wrong way and she'll scream AT you. Rub her the right way and she'll scream FOR you!

   Coffee is not my cup of tea.

   A great relationship is when you notice your girlfriend has just out-farted your record setting giant fart from 2yrs ago and all you think is ‘Oh my god she did it!!”

   Bro she just called you blind! OH HELL NO! Where is she?

   If you're always honest you will never feel stupid.

   She: Your cute. Me: My cute what?

   WTF! I was about to drink my vodka but it started screaming so I stopped and asked "what's wrong?", it said "you forgot to post a pic of me on your Facebook wall" and slapped me!

   If you don't put nipples on the letter o when there's two of them next to each other, then you're no fun and we can't hangout. B⊙⊙bs.

   I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus.

   In life its only a thief who genuinely wishes you to prosper and succeed.

   How many slutty and nude pics did it take you to get that many friend requests?

   My safe word is "eww."

   A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

   I may have opened the door, but you entered of your own free will.

   Ladies: Never make an important decision while you're on your period.

   The wagon of love breaks down under the weight of baggage from the past.

   For me, the sexiest part of a woman is her mind coz that's where she decides if she's going to have sex with you or not.

   It is amazing how much effort I put into my laziness.

   Love is pain, and anyone who says otherwise is trying to sell you something.

   Sow a thought, reap an act. Sow an act, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny!