KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO.

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook, forever!!!

   I'm the type of person that gets distracted by the race between the grey & red bars on Youtube, and forgets about the video.

   If a man aspires towards a righteous life, his first act of abstinence is from being a douchebag.

   They say a still tounge makes a wise head. I say an active tongue gives good head.

   Me take a bullet for you? I don't think so. What if you planned for someone to shoot you so I could jump in front of you, get shot and you would get rid of me?

   You only stalk the person you think you don't deserve.

   I have spent almost half of my life trying to come up with new ways to get out of things and situations.

   If I'm ever resurrected after I'm murdered I'm going to be one vengeful b@stard.

   that show "Intervention" should just be called "Haters"

   Quick! Marry me, I'll explain later.

   There's a special place in he'll for autocorrect

   That uneasy moment when you realise Facebook has made more CHANGES than OBAMA.

   Women beg for love wit sex and guys beg for sex wit love.

   Whatever doesn't kill you makes me angrier.

   Ladies, how will we know you're going through a tough breakup if you're not clutching your coffee mug with both hands?

   This girl told me that she likes men who know long words. So, I told her how ammaazzzziiiinnnggg she was.

   It would be impossible to throw Jesus a surprise birthday party.

   "It's not you, it's me." Man I hate sorting out photos with my twin brother.

   WIFE: You only hear what you want to hear! ME: Sure, I wouldn't mind a blow job as a matter of fact.