xx-foxy Funny Status Messages

   Never reject anybody in your life, because good people give us happiness and bad people give us experience. Both are essential in life!

   An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance!

   Today, for the first time in history - France did not surrender!! They actually fought!

   Today I ask God for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance, because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I might beat them to death...

   Everyone is gifted, but some people never open their package...

   Condoms DO NOT guarentee safe sex anymore... A FB friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's Husband...

   Hello Verizon... This is President Obama... I am interested in your share everything plan...

   Still haven't heard Obama or GOP candidates say anything about getting rid of Jersey Shore or deporting Justin Bieber back to Canada…

   Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding!

   I wish my dog owned stuff so I could pee on it and ruin it to show him how it feels.

   There are two things a man can never hide: 1. When he`s drunk, and 2. and when he's in love...

   When I get old, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old grandpa..." I want them to worry - "I hope he is not armed with AK 47..."

   Some girls don't like to walk in the rain because it puts their face back to the default factory settings...

   Q: How do you play the ISIS bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1...

   "Hi, Welcome to Abercrombie. Our sizes are; Small, X Small, Anorexic, Bulimic, and Malnourished."

   If you don`t like something, change it. If you can`t change it, change your attitude. Don`t complain...

   I may not be the best, but I'm definitely not like the rest!

   I hope someday I will be able to afford an iPhone X... Like the girl in front of me paying for her groceries with food stamps...

   I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

   If you see an animal stuck in a trap, free them! If you see a child crying, comfort them! If you see Justin Bieber crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!