nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.

   Why do your friends always wait until you breakup with someone to tell you that they thought they were ugly?

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.

   I'd tap that...Haha....kidding I wouldn't even poke that on Facebook.

   Thinks my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute , did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   I'll never judge or insult you because of your beliefs. I'm just kidding idiot.

   So...I met this really nice girl at closing time last night. Granted, she's missing both her front teeth but Christmas is coming, right?!? I think it can work...

   If you're wondering at what point I stopped caring, it was pretty much when you said, "Hi, my name is _________."

   Great....you discovered youtube. Now, can you quit flooding the newsfeed with the 200 videos you wish to share!!!

   Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.

   Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.

   There are going to be so many Snookis this year for Halloween. I think I will dress up as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.

   Ladies, my lost and found box is getting full. So, if you're missing an earring, silk scarves, lingerie or a prosthetic leg....let me know.

   Justin Bieber goes to jail. Writes "Free JB!" on wall in protest. Learns cellmate is dyslexic.

   Screaming "Autobots, ROLL OUT" at someone in a wheelchair isn't funny. Everyone knows handicapped people are Decepticons................and my place in Hell is secured for the day.

   There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???

   Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It's only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You'll be just fine.

   Ever accidentally pull something out of your purse thinkin it was a pen when checking out?? Yep, that's how my days goin...