minnie haha Funny Status Messages

   Look, here's the deal: If you're into immature, sexually compulsive women who drink entirely too much and need to be the center of attention at all times..... you are going to like me a lot...

   I have mixed drinks about feelings..

   You will always find me in the kitchen at parties... unless you've stashed the booze in a different room.

   I hate going to elementary school concerts. I can never find a designated driver.

   People really misunderstand me.....I mean, I’m a simple girl, really. I enjoy long romantic walks (to the liquor store)...quiet conversations (with my bail bondsman)....that secure feeling (that only an ankle monitoring bracelet can bring)...

   May the beer rise up to meet you and may your bar tab be picked up by someone else, and may the hangover be far from you. Happy St. Paddy's Day!

   Valentine's Day is for lovers. Or for people like us who will celebrate anything as long as there's slutty lingerie and saturated fats involved.

   well..... so much for my 'not killing time with Facebook' resolution.

   I am now officially F.U.I. = facebooking under the influence ;)

   Why in the heck are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?

   My teleporter’s broken, I've lost my superpowers, and my sidekick is out of town. Only one last hope for humanity: Must... get.... the... cork... out... of... this... wine.... bottle.....

   presently poking others but your poke is important to her. Please stay online and your pokes will be returned in the order they were received. Approximate wait time is five minutes.

   At least I have all day sober to Sunday up.....

   My conscience is clear...because I soak it in vodka.

   Apocalypse Update - Day 67: I should have bought more Febreeze for the bunker, dammit.

   Never trust a Chia Pet.....don't ask.

   Well, today I found out that they don't like you to wear roller skates in the mall! Or maybe they were mad cuz I didn't have pants on.....not sure which one.

   Contrary to what you may think, my moral compass is not broken. It just happens to be pointing toward hell

   Whatever Dude..I say That By eating this vodka with a spoon it officially becomes a soup and is therefore healthy..... So Kiss Off

   I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it...