gil Funny Status Messages

   I think during every government shut-down, we should declare a Purge, just like in the movie.

   Dating websites should model themselves after facebook, with an ugly button.

   only 4 more days before you all make resolutions you won't keep anyway

   "If I had a communicable disease, it would look just like Ebola" - Barack Obama

   Religion and morality don't need each other to exist.

   Only 33 days until the end of the world. Why is everyone acting so normal?

   Rosie O'Donnell fired again from a talk-show, for the 4th time. Time to quit attempts at being so serious and go back to fat lesbian stand-up comedy.

   On January 25th 2006, Al Gore proclaimed we only had 10 years left to save the planet. Get ready for the end of the world in 23 days. Al Gore said it. It must be true.

   I bought a race horse and named it "my face" just so I can hear women shouting "come on my face!"

   I think facebook was originally invented by pharmaceutical companies as a way to create 50 million new insomniacs overnight and boost Ambien sales. Zuckerberg just took all the credit.

   Breaking News: Barack Obama to deliver his re-election victory speech tomorrow....

   I find it ironic that no one is asking Al Gore to run again, except maybe his cardiologist.

   Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?

   Would taping or gluing my mustache and beard together meet mask requirements?

   How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?

   Don't cops have something better to do than arrest non-violent casual Marijuana smokers?

   I'm going to rename my iPhone "virginity", so I can run up and down halls screaming "I lost my virginity!!" several times a year.

   Demonstrators storm the US embassy in Yemen. Didn't Samuel L. Jackson already make a movie about this?

   It was so cold today, I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.

   Q: What's long and hard that a girl marrying a Polish guy gets on her wedding night?....... A: his last name.