flipphonescott Funny Status Messages

   Do you ever take a couple of ibuprofen just in case?

   looking for a female that will go down on me as much as dish network does!

   The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I'm the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don't feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.

   my underwear is kinda half- assing it today

   so is anybody in the bathroom,drinking wine out of a red solo cup, hiding from the family yet?

   a man is like a tile floor. lay him right and you can walk on him for 30 years

   No peace at home = no piece at home.

   A toast Gentlemen, To girlfriends and wives. May they never meet

   my thong is trying to get to 5th base

   if any body needs me I will be over here waiting for football season

   for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup,,, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever

   Even my dinner tasted like Monday

   "My alarm clock probably thinks I have anger-management issues."

   still rockin the kids table!

   DO YOU THINK BILL CLINTON HAS BEEN HIDING FROM HIS WIFE ALL DAY!

   if you had to use a treadmill to re charge your cell phone we would all be health nuts!

   have you ever logged on to do a 5 min project on-line and 3 hours later you are kinda suicidal ?

   FYI 'I'm here so I won't get fined'