StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I'm kidding, it's her boobs.

   The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

   I wouldn't make it very long as a tattoo artist because I would always be asking "You're kidding me, right, you want that?"

   Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn't!", he in fact did.

   Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with... How the f**k did two sticks win?

   On the bright side, selfie sticks are also lightning rods.

   If you ever feel unconfident in your body, just remember that pornhub wouldn't keep their fat girl category if guys didn't like it and it wasn't making them money.

   Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?

   Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.

   Job applications are stupid. "Why do you want to work for us?" Oh, I've always had a passion for frozen yogurt.....b*tch I'm broke!!

   I hate guys who are like "your dating my ex? Hope you like leftovers" like wtf, haven't you had cold pizza the next day? It's the best

   Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying "sorry breaking up with you" or that a minute later she text me back "sorry wrong number."

   You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can't take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?

   Spoiler alert: Your '97 Nissan Sentra doesn't need one.

   Tequila probably won't fix your problems, but it's worth a shot.

   Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

   Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.

   Found a bag of marijuana at work last week, and like any responsible employee, I disposed of it. In a series of small fires

   This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that's also the last time I'll buy cheap toilet paper...

   One day when someone rings my doorbell I'm gonna stand by the window with a straight face and just stare at them to see what they would do