Sarah Funny Status Messages

   911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty

   I've got a lot of respect for born again Christian women. God bless you all. (One less slut out there for me to compete with.)

   Guys like it when girls go commando, so I assassinated a Nicaraguan dictator.

   Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.

   Just because you're in a committed relationship, doesn't mean you can't have friends of the opposite sex.

   I'm a keeper...of bees.

   My nipples don't understand that I am going to a decent place.

   I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to not be a douchebag.

   95% of my problems can be traced back to waiting on a man to do the right thing.

   Boy are you my bank statements because you're hilarious

   Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.