Samir Momin Funny Status Messages

   The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed..

   enjoying a nice bottle of vintage DayQuil '09. The texture is like honey, taste like crap with touch of lemon

   too bad the minn didnt win...i wanted to see favre get a ring this year....but ok well...you brett...go ahead and retire now for and come back b4 the start of next year...

   A man goes into a library and ask for a book on suicide....The librarian replies "F*ck off! you wont bring it back!"

   What did the hurricane say 2 the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts,this is no ordinary blow job...

   Because of The Hangover, the way I say "retard" has forever been changed...

   YAWN so I can see if you're the one...

   thinks he might be addicted to Facebook because he's seeing a lot of random people around the city, that he's already seen on Facebook....

   Statistically 5/4 of people have trouble with fractions....

   DONT YOU HATE THAT KID WHO REMINDS THE TEACHER ABOUT TESTS OR QUIZES....

   Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred...

   Why is the jeopardy theme song stuck in my head? its giving me a false sense of anxiety...

   a war baby. My parents took one look at me and started fighting

   loves how my gf calls me on her breaks. Which involves hearing courtesy flushes. Learn to break somewhere else.Thanks.

   My name is_____ and I can never find a key chain with my name on it...

   Its funny how sitting "boy girl boy girl" use to be a punishment...

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm kicking your ass!

   there are plenty of fish in the sea, too bad i'm a shark...

   I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live...

   Yes Officer...I did see the Speed Limit sign...I just didn't see YOU...