Mick Funny Status Messages

   How we'll truly know when the economy has rebounded: When Reggae bands go back to hiring guys whose only job it is to dance.

   A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)

   Checklist: Poke People ✔ Delete People ✔ Block People ✔ Send Friend Requests ✔ Accept Friend Requests ✔ Ignore Chats ✔ Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ✔....Morning chores all done.

   Some woman just sent this to me: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO' I was confused by the apostrophe, but then it dawned on me. It must mean she's possessive.

   Pizza Guy: "Louie's Pizza. May I take your order? Me: "Is the owl there?" Pizza Guy: "Who, who?" Me: "Lol, that never gets old. Gimme a large all the way."

   To me, the Poke feature is a litmus test to weed out the easy going girls from the uptight Medusa types.

   When it comes to acronyms, I believe that DILLIGAF is right "up there" with NASA.

   If the temperature is 94°, yet it feels like 106°, then as far as I'm concerned, it's 106°...which explains my breaking all speed records in getting this ice cream home before it melts.

   Ladies, you're the syrup atop my waffles, the sizzle on my bacon and the cream in my coffee. What I'm saying is ur killing me.

   A woman who was shopping at my store today called me a "Living Doll"..okay she actually called me Chucky, but.....

   Twisted Personal Ads: SWM seeking SWF. Age, ethnicity and religion not important. Nymphomaniacal tendencies and chronic laryngitis are a plus. Please reply to Box OU692

   If I don't lose some weight, I'm gonna get one of those lap band things. Not the surgery. I mean I'll be able to fit The Stones on my lap.

   I'm at work. So if I don't answer you on fb chat, it means I'm not that busy but I've got a great excuse to not respond.

   I may be crazy, but I'm not, "Of course I'd lease an office in the new One World Trade Center" crazy.

   The jury was carefully selected based on their beliefs. Primarily, the ir belief that the Sun circles the Earth, and the preferred method of courtship is to bonk a woman over the head with a club then drag her into a cave.

   Q. What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A. The canoe will eventually tip.

   I don't care what friend facebook suggests. I'm not poking McDonald's.

   PETA is after me. I made Tuna Fish Soft Tacos. I used Dolphin-Safe Tuna, but All-Porpoise flour. THAT'S FUNNY...SHADDAP!

   Don't give me this, "Just because I accepted your friend request, it doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with you" stuff. If I had wanted to sleep with you, it would've happened already.

   I speak several languages besides English: British, Australian, Scottish and Welch.