Jbabcock Funny Status Messages

   I'm amazed at the amount of money every girl I know spends on clothing when when all of them in fact look better without any.

   5 Jobs Westboro Baptist Haters can do instead of protesting Military Funerals: 5) UFC grappling dummies 4) Product testers 4 Fleet's Enema Co. 3) Fear Factor game taste testers 2)Pridefest Clean Up Crew 1) HumanShields 4 R Troops since IEDs R from God.

   Why does anyone want to go to Hell in a handbasket? Everyone whose ever been to the Supermarket knows that using a Shopping Cart would be so much better.

   WESTBORO BAPTIST'S: Military Funeral Protesters who'll one day bring their glowing personalities and heartwarming words to the Nether-Regions they'll share with other sincere folks like Hitler, Dahmer, Gacy, and Jack the Ripper.

   Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?

   Every day as the years go by I find myself missing a special certain someone from my past. Lucky for me my aim is improving.

   Summer Vacation begins to spiral downward when your Dad says "Let's go this way. I know a shortcut."

   There's a fine line between mandatory overtime shifts and a hostage situation.

   Roger Ebert called. He's giving your online performance of "The Worlds Biggest A$$hole" two enthusiastic thumbs up. Way up.

   Games Nursing Staff HATE playing on at a Nursing Home: 5) Ollie, Ollie Ijustpeed 4) Guess what's on My Shoe 3) Here we go Loopty Poo 2)Red Light, Green Light: A Game of Incontinence Care 1) Follow the Leaker

   When work gets monotonous I go for a long sit down potty Break. Then I can honestly say to my boss "Hey! I'm one of the few people who actually gives a sh*t around here!"

   In grade school I dreamed of having a supersized tree house and a flyable jetpack. now that I'm grown up all I want is 2 dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul Commercial.

   I'm tired of wasting time on people who won't waste any time on me.

   I hate how Facebook always ask "What's on your mind?" like I'm actually going to share tickets to this crazy train with all of my friends.

   People tell me that opportunity is just around the corner don't realize I'm walking in circles in this terrible job market.

   All my job prospects sounded a lot more exciting when I was seven.

   "This is your status update.sƃnɹp uo ǝʇɐpdn snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ sı sıɥʇ. Any questions?"- Nancy Reagan

   I hate Fridays that aren't payday. Sometimes this day makes me wish I had a Viking Helm so I could walk into the payroll office and yell "It's MY money and I need it nooooow!!!"

   Whoever said "Good things come to those who wait" has never stood in my long a$$ line.

   The best way to get your teenage son to roll his eyes is show him your "Jedi Powers" by waving your hand in front of the automatic doors at Target.