Destiny Funny Status Messages

   I've got curtains that couldn't pass a drug test.

   I'm not cranky.. I just have a violent reaction to stupid people..

   Enrique Iglesias is far too pretty to be swearing in his songs. Its like being flipped off by a unicorn.

   you better get a condom for your heart cause i'm about to f*ck your feelings...

   Facebook should change it from 'Friends' to 'People I've made eye contact with

   An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten duhh."

   Hey, Don't blame me, I voted for the white dude!

   you correct my grammar, you better believe I will watch you like a hawk until I repay the favor

   Just found out that if you bake ice cream it does NOT make ice cream cake

   A man goes to the Doctors with an hearing problem. Dr. says "Can you describe the symptoms" - "Yea sure, Homer is fat and drinks beer and Marge has blue hair!"

   n't cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

   I'm pretty Fry for a Rice guy.

   At this rate, the government should start up a fuel stamp program

   If a b!tch is two faced; Does that mean I have the right to smack the hell outta her twice?!

   God dont need a Dam, he can walk on water.

   People point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

   One word that says It all "SHUDDAFUGUP"

   if my start phone was so smart it wouldnt get freaked out and start shaking whenever it got a text message.