Bobo The Chimp Funny Status Messages

   Wine is a fruit, right?!

   In hamster years I'm over 2000 years old. Not bad for a chain smoking sugar addict.

   According to Facebook, Jackie Chan has died 486 times. I must admit that is a rather incredible stunt...

   "What have I done?!! Everybody run!!" -Inventor of the boomerang

   I've never seen Scarface, but I have quoted the "little friend" line at some really inappropriate times.

   Ariana Grande is just a fancy way to order a medium ariana.

   I guess I'll pick up my dog's poop this time since you're having a yardsale and all.

   "I laughed, I cried, then laughed, then cried, then laughed, then cried..." -Early reviews for 'The Bi-Polar Express'

   I won't say this Jack in the Box is dirty, but there's a sign in the restroom that says "Employees Must Wipe Their Asses."

   NEWS FLASH....CORDUROY PILLOW MAKES HEADLINES!!!!

   I wear my glasses to the liquor store in an effort to appear responsible.

   I wash my hands so many times a day, I couldn't contract OCD even if I wanted to.

   Why was that Rorschach guy so obsessed with drawing pictures of my mom naked?

   If you say your grandpa is looking down at you and smiling I'm just going to assume you also have one of those mean drunken roof grandpas.

   Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would probably be ok, but I don't wanna be dragged from bed 'paranormal-activity' style..

   I've been shopping for a new desk. Still can't find one with a headboard.

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna suck.

   When life hands you pig hooves and horse gums, make hot dogs.

   I have a doctor's note to excuse the rotten stench I leave in people's bathrooms.

   Girl, not even the Kool-Aid man could bust through your emotional walls.