Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I only have two feelings, it's either "I'm hungry" or "I shouldn't have eaten this much"
←Rate | 11-06-2013 07:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stevie Wonder's housekeepers probably don't do a damn thing all day long.
←Rate | 05-24-2013 12:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend doesn't question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
←Rate | 05-05-2014 03:05 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Madonna and Johnny Depp seem completely unaware they aren't British
←Rate | 02-27-2014 07:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I use words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 14:41 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
←Rate | 06-01-2014 06:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
←Rate | 05-30-2013 13:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is ten times better without condoms. But life is about 10 times better without baby mammas!
←Rate | 06-14-2013 13:31 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  


   messageicon iOS 9 will be out by the time iOS 8 finishes downloading
←Rate | 09-17-2014 13:36 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'm a woman, not a sex object" - said a woman to herself as she put on a push-up bra.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 09:27 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman's ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 14:24 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taking selfies is a lot of work when you’re not attractive.
←Rate | 03-28-2015 12:43 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.
←Rate | 06-15-2013 16:20 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
←Rate | 11-11-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro Tip: When having sex on the first date, ALWAYS say "I've never done this" so your partner knows you're a compulsive liar as well.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:54 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
←Rate | 02-02-2017 11:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They called it boxing because fisting was already taken.
←Rate | 12-02-2015 12:03 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "Hello"... But you lost me when you kept talking.
←Rate | 01-30-2015 00:59 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We used to watch the news to find out the truth. If you're looking for the truth now, the last thing you'd want to watch is the news.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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