Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I miss those days when I would sneeze and someone would politely say, "Bless You" now they run the other way.
←Rate | 03-04-2020 06:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are all the non essential oils out of work now?.
←Rate | 06-09-2020 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I'm great at spelling bees. But hopless at spelling other words."
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
←Rate | 09-17-2018 13:00 by Truman Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.
←Rate | 03-15-2019 07:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon if you want a sneak preview of the new IPhone 8 just look at your IPhone 7 and pretend it cost $999 more.
←Rate | 09-15-2017 00:24 by Moon Comments (2)  

   messageicon It is very hard for me to concentrate when I am in the same room with chocolate cake.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 21:10 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I mix my Tide Pods with Red Bull so I get the benefit of clean energy.......
←Rate | 01-17-2018 17:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Customer service: And how does your name appear on your credit card? "I'd say about 11 pt Arial Bold"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2020 love life: The washing machine has seen me naked more often than anyone else.
←Rate | 08-24-2020 15:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon At this point, if Pennywise tries to lure me into the sewer, I’m going.
←Rate | 09-14-2020 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wind kept blowing an old Burger King wrapper at my feet for over half a block I know a sign from God when I see one
←Rate | 09-18-2020 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the marriage counselor asks how long since you’ve had sex, she means with your spouse. Learn from my mistakes.
←Rate | 09-28-2020 09:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I sometimes wonder when I turn on the news if I'm watching breaking news about the Coronavirus or if they've playing the same broadcast on repeat since March?
←Rate | 10-03-2020 23:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do they make a Gas-X for brain farts? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 10-13-2020 08:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've decided to buy a Dallas Cowboys Covid mask. That way I know I won't catch anything.
←Rate | 12-09-2020 10:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love how I can remember the lyrics to just about any song written in the 70s but can't remember where I laid my car keys down last night?
←Rate | 08-30-2020 19:35 by moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Looking at pictures of myself as a kid taken just after my mother cut my bangs makes me wonder what she used to mix in her Tang.
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife says our marriage is boring so I replaced the air freshner in the bathroom with an air horn
←Rate | 09-30-2020 15:54 Comments (0)  

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