@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Why I hate House Hunters. Amy is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Abe manages a Taco Bell. Abe: Our budget is $4 million
←Rate | 02-18-2017 11:24 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.🐿️
←Rate | 02-14-2017 15:37 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Her: Make your own snack. Me: It says: Not to operate heavy machinery while using this medication. Her: It's an oven not a forklift.
←Rate | 02-13-2017 16:44 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
←Rate | 02-12-2017 20:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Boss: Are you high? Me: No, I dont do drugs, it must be the dayquil . Boss: Dayquil doesn't do that . Me: Must be the moonshine then.
←Rate | 02-10-2017 22:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head. I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.
←Rate | 02-08-2017 20:02 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Am I the only one who would like to see Punxsutawney Phil bite off the finger of the person that wakes him up every Groundhog Day.🎩
←Rate | 02-04-2017 21:05 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..
←Rate | 02-02-2017 20:05 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you. Me : Really? Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?
←Rate | 02-02-2017 20:04 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The opossum, skunk, squirrel and groundhog saw their shadows today, but didn't see the .🚚 that smashed them on the highway
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:29 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.
←Rate | 01-26-2017 11:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon My new phone just autocorrected kindergarten to Kardashian. That my dear people, is exactly what is wrong with this world.
←Rate | 01-25-2017 08:28 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day, #Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 01-15-2017 10:46 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".
←Rate | 01-13-2017 11:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon President Trump should act more presidential. Instead of ignoring reporters, he should do what our current president does, and BANS THEM from the press conferences..
←Rate | 01-11-2017 20:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage Lifelesson: Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
←Rate | 01-09-2017 22:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:43 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:35 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Once you go black, that frost bitten toe's gotta come off
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:33 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  

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