gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird.

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   Sometimes I like to walk next to people and sync with their step

   I don't mean to sound dubstep but boommmm ngeeekkk whoobwobwobwobwob whawhawhaw.

   I hate it when I read something on her3 thats so funny that I burst out laughing it makes my neighbors realize that I'm hiding under their bed.

   I just peed double streams. Is this my superpower?

   Whenever a woman says "I want to show you something", I always reply "Okay!" in as fast as 0.03475 secs.

   "LMAO!!" - Magneto, when he was confronted by Iron Man.

   I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted multiple organisms. I'll return the petri dishes back to the lab.

   When somebody tells me to relax, I immediately do.-nobody ever

   It was all good at the HS reunion party until I laughed too hard my gun fell out of my pocket.

   I keep a jar labelled "HIV Virus" in my jacket so when someone tries to fight me, I show it to them and throw it at their feet and run.

   My neighbor called the cops because he thought I was screaming in pain when in fact I was just singing in the shower.

   Whenever I'm smoking in an open space and someone starts coughing like a b1tch, I throw a teargas canister at them and run.

   Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

   I wrote a book called "How to pick up girls." Page 1 says "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of dudes

   "Please die please die" - when I see someone I know walking towards me to say Hi

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   To save time on playing board games in my family, dad would take the game out of the box and go directly to the throwing it at the wall part