Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...
←Rate | 04-14-2018 11:40 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:25 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just started a club for people who hate people. I’m the only member. No you can’t join because I hate you.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 11:02 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother taught me to never argue with strangers on the Internet. She said I must agree to meet them in real life, and then punch them in the face.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 13:27 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
←Rate | 02-25-2018 10:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro-tip: sadness is for people who are awake or sober.
←Rate | 02-15-2018 11:51 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m sorry my dog nipped your ankles, but in all fairness you do have squirrels on your socks.
←Rate | 01-14-2018 06:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should probably return these videos to Blockbuster.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 12:44 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when I come across a couple urging in public but I missed the start and now don't know whose side I'm on.
←Rate | 12-12-2017 01:49 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When one door opens, just hope that it’s the fridge and someone is about to bring you a beer.
←Rate | 12-12-2017 01:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even looking at LinkedIn's logo can result in an unsolicited email.
←Rate | 12-05-2017 06:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need Google street view in real-time for better stalking...Sorry I mean bird watching.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you try to show me your family vacation photos I swear I'm going to report you to HR.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You look like the kind of person who replies to a meme with a meme
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sleep with a gun under my bed, in case someone breaks in and decides to throw clay pigeons into the air.
←Rate | 11-29-2017 13:34 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
←Rate | 11-22-2017 02:45 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.
←Rate | 11-20-2017 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I liked Meatloaf before he got all soft on us and changed his name to Adele.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished writing a book for new parents called “You Just Made a Big Mistake.”
←Rate | 11-17-2017 09:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (1)  




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