Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
←Rate | 02-02-2017 11:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your Facebook posts are like your children. Some go on to become successful and others make you look stupid.
←Rate | 01-18-2017 12:50 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give people who call with a private number a dose of their own medicine by knocking on their doors while wearing a mask.
←Rate | 01-13-2017 02:56 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
←Rate | 01-10-2017 08:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I suggest we eat pizza and someone says something stupid like "No, I had pizza yesterday," I just nod like I understand, but inside my head I have murdered the person a thousand times.
←Rate | 01-04-2017 08:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I'm a people person. Or as the authorities like to call me, human trafficker.
←Rate | 12-20-2016 03:06 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What I envy in women is their ability to argue without any valid points whatsoever and still claim victory.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 00:07 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At this rate, it's starting to seem like Americans will be voting on which candidate to keep out of jail in November.
←Rate | 10-09-2016 01:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon showering together is cute until you realise women are trying to be 3rd degree burn patients and you’re just trying to get clean.
←Rate | 09-12-2016 15:12 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.
←Rate | 09-06-2016 01:57 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Threatening Americans by saying there'll be "a taco truck on every corner" is like threatening The Kardashians' with more magazine covers.
←Rate | 09-02-2016 13:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching an Olympian biting his gold medal he just won while I bite the wine cork I just pulled out with my teeth.
←Rate | 08-14-2016 14:47 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn't work here.
←Rate | 07-13-2016 13:42 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money aside, what do you wish you had more of?All the money that you've pushed to the side
←Rate | 06-28-2016 13:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ate a salad when I could've eaten a cheeseburger. Where's my reward? I should get an award, right? Maybe a cheeseburger.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 16:32 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only brush the teeth that people can see...which is none, because smiling is a sign of weakness.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 05:46 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it's Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
←Rate | 06-23-2016 05:39 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man's name. No I don't want to hold Grant but can he look over my investment portfolio for me
←Rate | 05-27-2016 13:00 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing screams I need to get laid like screaming I need to get laid!
←Rate | 05-09-2016 12:33 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see someone walking around with a selfie stick, I always wonder what happened for them to just give up on life like that.
←Rate | 03-28-2016 14:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  



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