@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Back in my day, #Recess was where they sent us out to a rusty death trap circus,, and now people can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 01-15-2017 10:46 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching Friday the 13th. A load of awful make-up, on brain-dead zombies. Hang on. Sorry, wrong channel that was "The View".
←Rate | 01-13-2017 11:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon President Trump should act more presidential. Instead of ignoring reporters, he should do what our current president does, and BANS THEM from the press conferences..
←Rate | 01-11-2017 20:00 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage Lifelesson: Marriage is essentially peeing with the door open and asking "What do you want for dinner?"
←Rate | 01-09-2017 22:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:43 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:35 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you go black, that frost bitten toe's gotta come off
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:33 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Art imitates life. Imitation is the highest form of flattery. Flattery will get you nowhere. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ART DEGREE BUTTERCUP.
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say 50% of #status updates are written while sitting on the #toilet That's why I don't buy used mobile #phones .
←Rate | 12-29-2016 09:11 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon ¡¡¡¡ǝʞɐʇsıɯ ʎq pɹɐoqʎǝʞ uɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ɐ ʇɥƃnoq ı dlǝɥ
←Rate | 12-02-2016 20:03 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon An #Asian in charge of #Transportation? Plus also being #female? I plead the 5th on the grounds of making people mad with the joke I have.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 01:38 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing puts me into the #Christmas spirit like #shopping. On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer, On VISA.
←Rate | 11-28-2016 21:56 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to live an #adventurous life but its hard to do it with $17 disposable #income a week.
←Rate | 11-26-2016 23:57 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
←Rate | 11-26-2016 09:30 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saved $983.54 on Black Friday. I stayed home watched TV and didn't shop.
←Rate | 11-25-2016 17:25 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all you #single people: Time to start thawing the #Thanksgiving hot dogs
←Rate | 11-23-2016 20:52 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the Dr. office today. Either someone is wearing cotton candy scented lotion or a #unicorn peed in this corner.
←Rate | 11-22-2016 09:19 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've always wanted to be one of those people who laughs all the way to the #bank, instead of one who cries every time he leaves.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 22:13 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor finally put up his #Christmas lights today. I bet he's mad that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
←Rate | 11-21-2016 10:19 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.
←Rate | 11-20-2016 18:44 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  



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