tim Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 08:34 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon God was the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker
←Rate | 04-17-2010 11:32 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:39 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you say photographic memory or pornographic memory? I have one of those.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eating at KFC makes me feel sluggish, a little slow, and my eyes are droopy. I think it might be Double Down syndrome.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 12:22 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!
←Rate | 05-06-2010 19:54 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 18:27 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got my wifes Christmas gift. I hid it in the oven. She will never find it there!
←Rate | 11-18-2010 11:01 by Tim Comments (4)  


   messageicon My wifes new nickname is Karma
←Rate | 04-16-2011 22:57 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 21:02 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?.....That's as crazy as the low low prices at Dave's Furniture Emporium
←Rate | 04-19-2012 03:20 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a f@#king dragon and sh!t myself.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 15:47 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I seen a Lady driving a 18 wheeler on the highway today..Thought to my self.. Thats a funny looking kitchen..
←Rate | 08-01-2012 15:32 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your as useless as a snow blower in August!!
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:07 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Slut? Weeeeell, let's just say she's had more d1ck ends than weekends.
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:15 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've seen squirrels having seizures with more brains than you
←Rate | 08-18-2012 12:22 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember: A butt dial and a booty call are two entirely different things.
←Rate | 06-25-2013 21:13 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is the job application at Hooters like? Do they give you a bra and say "Here. Fill this out."?
←Rate | 07-01-2013 22:28 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beyonce, Rihanna and Katy Perry sent prayers to the victims of the Oklahoma tornados. I feel like an idiot now, I only sent money.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 13:13 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.
←Rate | 07-02-2013 18:22 by Tim Comments (0)  




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