sarah Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon 911: What's your emergency? Me: Do you think I'm pretty
←Rate | 06-28-2013 11:58 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me getting arrested in my pajama pants at Walmart then you don't deserve me buying produce in my yoga pants at Target.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 12:21 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like cooking babies and lots of other stuff. I also hate punctuation.
←Rate | 07-05-2013 01:52 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 12:28 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just a few more weeks without sex and I win another cat.
←Rate | 07-26-2013 02:36 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently, sitting down all day makes your bum grow bigger. All I have to do is figure out how I'll start sitting using my chest.
←Rate | 08-18-2013 12:17 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do these yoga pants make your d*ck look hard??
←Rate | 08-18-2013 12:18 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it cleavage; I call it a stray popcorn reservoir.
←Rate | 09-07-2013 02:21 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a keeper...of bees.
←Rate | 09-20-2013 14:03 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not crying, that's just the vodka leaving my body through my eyes.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 10:24 by Sarah Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wore matching bra n panties for this?
←Rate | 10-07-2013 12:27 by Sarah Comments (0)  



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