gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   I just peed double streams. Is this my superpower?

   I hate it when I read something on her3 thats so funny that I burst out laughing it makes my neighbors realize that I'm hiding under their bed.

   I don't mean to sound dubstep but boommmm ngeeekkk whoobwobwobwobwob whawhawhaw.

   Sometimes I like to walk next to people and sync with their step

   Police officer: "license and registration" Me: "DO YOU KNOW WHO MY FATHER IS!?" Police officer: No Me: "me neither".

   As I've gotten older, every time I look in the mirror I see my dad more and more. I guess its time to move out, its starting to get weird.

   A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   The first thing I do before a fight is put my invisible armor on then crawl into a ball and beg for them not to beat m

   When people ask me "How's life?", I sing them the chorus of Akon's Lonely while crying and slowly walk away.

   "You gotta have Faith!" -enthusiastic review of a brothel on Yelp.

   "Business in the front, party in the back" would be a terrible slogan for a medical clinic.

   I thought I saw Keira Knightley laying by the side of the road but it turned out to be a fallen tree branch.

   I have just enough ketchup packets in my desk drawer at work to successfully fake my own death

   You are the only person who will see you wearing your novelty boxer shorts.

   My friend invited me over to play COD and now I'm dressed up in a fish costume. This is not what I was expecting.

   If you can spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi.

   "Does anybody know what time it really is?" - man with an irrational distrust of watches and clocks.

   Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, a wild trap door appears and prove me wrong.

   I just called Chaz Bono "lady" now I'm sitting back and watching the fire works