Unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon People think I'm uncoordinated until they see me get out of a hammock and then they know "uncoordinated" isn't a strong enough word.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got caught in the rain once. Apparently you have to bring your own piña coladas.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every musical should have a minor character that's aware of all the music and dancing and is visibly terrified.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:42 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're last name is Walker and you aren't a Texas ranger, I'll assume you have disgraced your family by choosing another profession.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 19:29 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked what to bring for Thanksgiving this year and my mom said it was up to me so I'm bringing a wireless router.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:08 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I dropped your baby when the theme from Friends came on and I had to clap along.
←Rate | 11-21-2015 07:10 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun party hosting tip: Put dozens of extra coats on the bed. When guests ask where everyone else is, laugh maniacally & change the subject.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:13 by unknown comic Comments (1)  


   messageicon "For birthdays, someone will blow air and spit on candles and a cake. Then—hear me out—people will eat it." -- the guy that invented birthday parties
←Rate | 01-23-2016 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too
←Rate | 01-23-2016 07:01 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing
←Rate | 01-26-2016 08:25 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a little joke I put glitter in my tax-return envelope and the IRS responded with a little joke that I owe $ 11,000 in back taxes.
←Rate | 02-12-2016 21:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Promise me that when you leave Facebook, you guys will tell me where you're going, unlike that time you all ditched me on MySpace.
←Rate | 02-12-2016 21:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon just cracked open a book or as I like to call it "a beer"
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Your word is 'ouija'" -could you use that in a seance?
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: A baby is basically just a meatloaf that can look around a bit
←Rate | 03-20-2016 20:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone know how long we are supposed to "Shake It Off"? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!
←Rate | 03-20-2016 20:44 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Looked over and saw my phone on the table. Afraid to check my back pocket.
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:45 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please enjoy my TED Talk, "Turn Signals: They're How You Tell Other Drivers What the Heck You're Doing"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:58 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're a tailor and your shop's name isn't "Britches get stitches" then what's the point?
←Rate | 04-21-2016 05:41 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna get rich enough to say to someone "nonsense, you can stay in our guest house"
←Rate | 04-23-2016 07:43 by unknown comic Comments (0)  



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