Scottyp Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I would like to thank Jesus of Nazareth for the good deal I got on my tires and Jesus of Guatemala for the speedy service.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 09:02 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm thinking about going out tonight, because after all, the Beastie Boys DID fight for my right to party....
←Rate | 03-05-2011 10:09 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cat instead.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 22:24 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
←Rate | 03-09-2011 09:27 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should have known that I had to much to drink tonight because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. It might not sound that bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems..
←Rate | 03-10-2011 23:47 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Firetrucks & ambulances would be far more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move B*tch" by Ludacris
←Rate | 03-11-2011 08:46 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If time is money, then I'm running out of time very quickly
←Rate | 03-12-2011 20:45 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear cellphone companies: please invent a "unsend my text" option
←Rate | 03-13-2011 21:08 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really want a Klondike Bar, but I'm fresh out of ideas......
←Rate | 03-27-2011 08:50 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I'm going to have my OCD support group meeting at my home today. If nothing else, at least my house will get cleaned...
←Rate | 03-29-2011 08:47 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just so all of my friends know, If I ever say the phrase "okie dokie artichokie" to you, it's a signal and means I've either been kidnapped or I'm wearing a wire. One of the two
←Rate | 03-30-2011 08:25 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
←Rate | 04-04-2011 12:29 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I don't have my budget balanced by tomorrow--I am just going to shut down...
←Rate | 04-06-2011 19:23 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon It seems I have 3 personalities. One that has a plan, one that completely screws up the plan, and one that says "what the hell happened to the plan?"......
←Rate | 04-08-2011 07:18 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beware the disease Idiotitis. It causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands are affected. May be contagious. Best defense: Just slap and run.
←Rate | 04-08-2011 18:43 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats are really not all that bad...................It turns out, I've been cooking them wrong this whole time...
←Rate | 04-10-2011 20:01 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somehow, hitting the 'end call' button on the cell phone just doesn't feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 19:53 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????
←Rate | 04-14-2011 19:04 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon I slept like a baby last night,,,,of course minus the peeing and pooping on myself.......
←Rate | 04-17-2011 09:05 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cops came at my house last night and told me my dogs had been chasing someone on a scooter. I told them off. My dogs don't even have a scooter..
←Rate | 05-18-2011 00:47 by scottyp Comments (0)  




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